What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 25.06.2025 01:17
I couldn’t, believe it.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Is it wrong for me, a 14-year-old girl, to read dark romance?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why is my ex mad I moved on when he dumped me?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I have no regrets .
What are some common historical misconceptions?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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I was 9 years of age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But it wasn’t much.
Is it normal to hate my dog, but feel too guilty to get rid of him?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Would this be the day?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
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Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She loved him until the end.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
When she asked me how she looked .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was very sick at this time too.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i do to all so called friends.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
(And it was in our own minds.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Comes on , in middle age.
I will be 64.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is soul school!.
I think the readers, may guess!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She married twice! .
Was to survive, this bastard.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Put me off passion for life!!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was in good health!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
I was seconnd youngest,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Who then, do I blame.?
What did i know ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I said to her
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So whats the point in blame.
We all went to grammer schools
I was scared of men, in general
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I waited trembling.
My family never makes their pension either.
My life is so biszare .
And i lived it daily.
I don,t even have a pension.
But, we were locked up after school.
He knew the spot.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Ive learnt so much.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot live in the past .
I write beautiful poetry .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She wouldn,t have been !
Why did i forgive my father ?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
It was going to be , some day.